Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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