You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Less talking, more tequila
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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