I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
