I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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