your room smells of hookers.
And success
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
