It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
