who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
