Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
