Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
