you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
