Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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