ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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