I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize