So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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