I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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