Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
