Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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