Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
