he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You can't special order awesome
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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