i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
