I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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