Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
