Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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