Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
