I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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