Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
