never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
