I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize