dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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