I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
