She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
