would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
