Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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