sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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