if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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