shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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