Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
