dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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