I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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