i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
