take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
