I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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