i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My feet surprised me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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