You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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