if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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