I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just blew my weed a kiss
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
