So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
