She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
