..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
