Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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