Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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