i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
