3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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