Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize