apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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