i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
