If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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