Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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