My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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