I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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