Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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