We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
