I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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