He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
