I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i came on her dog
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
