in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
