My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
meet me or not, i'm out of control
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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