You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i drank out of a bidet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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